If he/she was once upon a time your favorite person on planet earth and now, doesn't rock your world no more after years of being married and a couple of kids, here are four simple, yet solid ways to show your spouse you still choose them every day.
1.) Begin by choosing/loving YOURSELF.
When
you feel out of sorts with yourself, you tend to transfer that feeling
of discontent onto your partner (usually by finding fault with his or
her every move). "Relationships often reflect the deepest part of ourselves," says dating and relationship coach Clayton Olson.
"Whether or not you choose your partner usually reflects how truly you
choose yourself. Self-love is a requirement to true love. Accepting and
loving yourself, just the way that you are, allows freedom to love and
accept your partner without trying to change them."
So,
today (and every day) be a little kinder to yourself. Start focusing on
things you like about yourself (versus nit-picking yourself
constantly). Then share some of that accepting warmth with your partner.
2.) Thank your partner for something every day.
It's
so easy to take your partner for granted, but the truth is — he or she
doesn't HAVE TO do anything for you before you show gratitude. So make a
point to frequently recognize the kindness and effort he/she pours in
your direction. "We often miss opportunities to thank our spouse or partner," says licensed professional counselor Elizabeth Casey. "We
don't have to wait until our spouse moves heaven and earth to say
'thank you;' there are small moments every day when you can make your
partner feel appreciated. Say 'thank you' for taking the garbage out,
for making sure laundry is folded, and all the little things that make a
big difference in your life!
3.) Take time to focus on each other, even just for a few minutes.
"In the beginning of a relationship, we focus a lot of time learning everything we can about each other," says marriage coach and counselor Lesli Doares.
But quickly 'life' takes over and our spouse gets bumped to the back
burner as other tasks and priorities take precedence. Show your partner
he or she is still what matters most to you by making a ritual of
spending focused time with each other, even briefly.
"Taking
at least twenty minutes per day to deeply focus on your partner (and
their day) makes them feel so important and like you really do still
care," says Doares. "So, put your phone down, turn the TV off,
back away from the laptop and look your partner in the eye while you
talk to each other or hug for a few powerful minutes. Those brief
respites of loving focus will help keep you both feeling charged and
deeply connected the rest of the day."
4.) Touch your partner without sexual intentions.
We've
all heard how important frequent sex is in marriage. But unless your
partner still feels truly chosen by you, the quality of your sex life
will likely decline quickly. Personal relationship coach Lewis Brown Griggs recommends letting "less sexuality win any time a non-interest in sex is sensed or requested."
Instead
of rejecting or snubbing your partner in those moments, show your
partner that you happily choose him or her, even when sex isn't
happening. Treat your partner with tender care and sweet affection at
those times. Griggs says, you'll "notice an enormous mutual benefit
not only from being more tender and sensually connected, but often a
more loving and intimate sexuality emerges from that tolerance of sex
sometimes not being desired."
The
long and short of this is that you promised to look at your partner
with love ... Forever …on the day you got married. The best way to make
good on that promise — (remember, you did say "I do!") — and keep your
marriage vibrant for a lifetime is to happily show your partner you
still chose him or her today!
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